Legal adviser for Americans in Haiti facing his own charges
When your lawyer says "hey don't worry about these charges, I've got all the experience you need." You might wanna check and see if its cause he's had these charges filed against himself before. But hey who am I to judge I don't know the law.

Adopt-A-Tiger in private homes
Sounds just like this is a precursor for what happened to the women attacked by a chimp with a knife. Sigfried and Roy. Sigfried and Roy. Thats all I have to say.

Cheney dodges Palin questions
He didn't know her competence back when she ran for his own party and yet he can criticize Obama. I think its the Cheney way of saying "The bitch is whack man just like crack, right home slice."

Ex-Olympians Fleming, Flowers hurt in Biden motorcade accident
A party bus crashed and Biden rolled out with a bottle of champagne and yelled "where da hoes at". Soon all hell broke loose in Vancouver as thousands of Canadians started partying it up Jersey shore style. Some one even got Snookied in the eye.

Activist boards Japanese whaling ship
Terror on the high seas. Activist boarded and played Kum Bay Ya and sprinkled flowers over the whalers.

"Speed skating is nascar for rich white people" commented by an outside source.

Toyota announces gas pedal fix
Don't blame the pedals its the floor mats. Those damn evil floor mats have a hidden agenda they plan to smother the world and roll us all up. Dear lord the invasion has begun.

Chocolate vs Drug Lords: From Coca to Cacao in Peru 
Wonka of the jungle. Oompa-Loompas armed with AK's have been seen moving down the mountains taking no prisoners. They call them security sweeps  we know better its only a matter of time before these facist Wonkians take over Peru and turn it into Candyland of the south. How then will we fight the chocolate addicted hordes? How?

Gloves come off after Obama rips Supreme Court ruling
Welcome back to Thunderdome supreme court edition. Two men enter, no decision made.

743 pounds of marijuana found in septic tank truck, Arizona police say
Thats some shitty swag. God help the people who smoke that shit.